Till Death Do Us Part

Sullivan Ballou was only 32, a Major in the Second Rhode Islands Volunteers. Feeling that his own death might be imminent, he wrote to his wife on July 14, 1861. His letter is both intense and personal, speaking of two hearts bound with cords of love that only death would sever. It has so challenged me to evaluate my own relationships that I want to share this abridged version with you.

"My Very Dear Sarah,

"The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days, perhaps tomorrow. And lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

"I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American civilization now leans upon the triumph of the government and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. I am willing, perfectly willing, to lay down all my joys in this life to help maintain this government and to pay that debt.

"Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence can break. And yet my love of country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly with all these chains to the battlefield. The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I've enjoyed them so long. And how hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years when, God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our boys grown up to honorable manhood around us.

"If I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been. But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be with you. Always, always.

"If there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath. Or if the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah, do not mourn me dead. Think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again."

Sullivan Ballou was killed a week later in the First Battle of Bull Run. I'm sure that his family had struggles, but his love and commitment to his wife overshadow them all. His letter captures the essence of "Till death do us part"; we could learn a lesson.

Copyright 1999 James McAlister

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