When We Get The Unexpected
My first day off, for example, broke a multiyear streak of wellness. And cloud of puniness shadowed me for days thereafter. Not what I expected.
Of all I had planned to do that first week off, most projects had to be shelved. "I'll do them later… when I have time," I promised myself. But I knew full well that I had retired in order to have time. Will those rude intruders that upset my plans eventually become welcomed guests? I wonder.
One young mother rationalized the unexpected this way. "I have come to grips with the fact that an hour-long walk may only take us to the corner and back. But that's OK. What's the point of covering distance if it means you haven't noticed how interesting dirt, leaves and squashed bugs can be?" And in the end, what's more important than looking at squashed bugs with a child?
My own internal struggles over this puzzle--wanting one thing but getting another--gave birth to a poem several years ago. Entitled "I Told Him My Longing," I offer excerpts here:
"I told Him my longing for freedom from trouble, for days full of sunshine and nights without storm. He said, 'I had rather you taste of affliction and learn how I comfort the weary and worn.' I told Him my longing for heavenly treasures, all gained without conflict and struggle and strife. He said, 'I had rather you learn of endurance and win crowns of glory and honor and life.' I told Him my longing for family and friendships, for those who would lift me whenever I'm low. He said, 'I had rather you learn to be lonely, discovering Friendship that few ever know.'"
The Civil War left us this poignant prayer attributed to an unknown Confederate soldier: "I asked God for strength, that I might achieve; I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked God for health, that I might do greater things; I was given infirmity, that I might do better things. I asked for riches, that I might be happy; I was given poverty, that I might be wise. I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men; I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life; I was given life, that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for--but everything I had hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am among men, most richly blessed."
May God answer our unspoken prayers, richly blessing us in circumstances we would never have chosen for ourselves. And may we be wise enough to know.
Copyright 2002 James McAlister
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