Why I Love Paying Bills

Peering out the window, I twitch... until the mail arrives. Then snatching up my bills, I scamper inside to pay them.

Hello! Are you awake? Yes, you heard that right. I do enjoy paying bills these days.

But let's draw a clear distinction. Only the process appeals to me; the tightwad forever eschews releasing his money.

Let me explain this newfound infusion of enthusiasm into drudgery I've loathed for decades. It began simply.

Our bank has recently been enticing customers to receive their monthly statements electronically instead of the old-fashioned paper way. Everyone who agrees to this new scheme will be entered into a drawing for a new computer system.

Entranced by shiny new computers, I immediately enrolled. And as an added bonus, I also received free internet bill paying, a modern contrivance for folks with too little real work to do. But why not give it a try, I mused. After all, it's free--and free always appeals to Mr. Tightwad.

Being a skeptic, I first tested this specious scheme by paying myself $20. Mysteriously, a check for $20 arrived in the mail a few days later. It worked!

I tackled my Cingular Wireless bill next by signing into my internet bill pay account, selecting Cingular from a list and entering the amount to pay. Then a quick clickety-click did the trick.

No check, no envelope, no stamp. But they (whoever "they" are) somehow pulled money from my account and sent it to Cingular. Efficient!

In the bygone days of my now-banished inefficiency, due dates had a nasty habit of sneaking past me and ringing up late charges. And you know how Mr. Tightwad hates wasting money, especially that way. Now he races straight to his computer--and pays his bills pronto. No more late charges for him.

Assuring that payment details get written down and keeping the checkbook subtracted still befuddle Mr. T, however. But he's ciphering that part of the equation, too, since he recoils at overdrafts of any stripe.

The electronic age has encroached even upon institutions as stogy as the IRS and U.S. Postal Service. On the IRS web site, taxpayers prepare and file their federal taxes without paper. And USPS patrons purchase postage and arrange for package pickup without leaving their comfy chairs.

So what's next in my efforts to save and streamline? Maybe in a week or two I'll describe my efforts to switch to cell phones exclusively and reclaim beaucoup time and money.

Efficiency compels inborn laziness into productive labor.

Copyright 2005 James McAlister

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